We're a new family. A family brought together after marriages and single life, falling in love all over again, and figuring out whether all these kids and pets can live under one roof without killing each other. A "blended" family. A rainbow family. A trans dad and a dyke mom. And kids with genders that are remade every day.
Talking about families outside of the traditional path can be challenging in its own right, but it used to be easier than it is now. It used to be that I (Matthias) was the dad of two boys and that Pricela was the mom of one girl. We would talk about "the boys" and G.
Now. Now, we are playing it day by day. My oldest child has started to identify as a girl. The transgender part is nothing new. I've been out as trans for 10+ years, we have lots of family friends who are trans and genderqueer, we've known people and our kids have known people who are transitioning. And even though it's nothing new, it's new. It's challenging. It's a whole new process of coming out. It's not like coming out as a lesbian, like I did some 14 years ago or like coming out as trans. It's coming out as a parent and as a family that supports the gender expression and preferred pronouns of our children, and who will stand up for that in schools and playgroups, to other parents and children. It's exciting. And exhausting. And totally frightening. But the part that makes it the easiest is the kids. Kids are resilient and flexible and are open to continually redefining their identities.
We have had so many conversation about the genders of the people in our family. To date we have had the following:
A boy with a vagina
A boy and a girl
A girl who wants a penis
A robot, a boy and a bear
I love that to our kids, gender is about intention and mood and interaction with the world. They all know their body parts. They know what clothes they like and they wear them. Sometimes all together. Athletic shorts and flowery dresses go together. Superhero capes and sparkly headbands. Monster-fighting gloves and a diaper. It's all good with these little ones. I do feel successful as a parent that they feel so free to BE, to explore, to live and love in their little bodies and their growing minds with no arbitrary gender limits set on their identities.
And if you ask us about our kids, we will tell you we have 3 kids, girls and boys...and one robot.